


忘れないで (Do Not Forget)

by AlolanLibra



Category: Hunter X Hunter
Genre: Angst, Dark Continent Arc, Enemies to Friends to Lovers, Future, M/M, Mental Instability, Minor Violence, Nen (Hunter X Hunter), Platonic Male/Male Relationships, Pre-Relationship, Slow Burn
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-06-24
Updated: 2017-12-03
Packaged: 2018-11-18 15:40:07
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 7
Words: 11,604
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11293674
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AlolanLibra/pseuds/AlolanLibra
Summary: No matter what the assassin said, his eyes could never lie to Gon. He was a picture of vivid pain. It made Gon want to crumble at the knees.Seven years after their parting at the World Tree, Gon and Killua are estranged. Killua, now head of the Zoldyck estate, is forced to confront his feelings head on. Things are gunna get angsty.





	1. A X Familiar X City

_“I’m glad I met you!”_

The memory jolted Gon awake. His eyes shot open, a dewiness to them as they slowly adjusted to the darkness. His body was clammy and damp. He sat up in the unfamiliar bed, pushing the covers away from him. The dream he had been having was of the past - a time so distant, yet which felt so real still. If he closed his eyes again he knew he’d be met by electric blue eyes. He got out of bed and sloped to the far side of the room where he bumped a panel of buttons with his fist, opening the shutter on the window in front of him. The window in this room, a floor-to-ceiling masterpiece, was the reason Gon chose to sleep there. As the blind slowly juddered open with an audible weariness, pale moonlight filtered into the room. Below the airship were the distant clues of life amidst a black mass of unintelligible land.

Gon had been helping Ging in the Dark Continent for more than six months now. He was getting used to sleeping in a different bed almost every night - so was the fact that it was becoming monotonous to him. Gon was tired. Dreams of Mito-san were normally what woke him, memories of Whale Island being so potent in his mind. He willingly dreamed himself back home. But the image of the pale boy with cat-like eyes and a white shock of hair was something he had been suppressing for years now. That was what scared him the most - in this dream, Killua was so real he could have seen him yesterday. _But it’s been five years_ … Gon’s mind was drifting back to a time of innocence.

He sat in front of the window with one leg bent close to his body and the other tucked underneath. The 21-year-old still possessed a childlike restlessness as he looked down on the ever-present lights of Yorknew City. _We’ll be landing soon_ , Gon thought as he rested his chin on his knee. He stared up into the inky sky, studded with tiny white stars, all of which lay in the brilliant wake of a powdery moon. Killua’s presence was still lingering in his mind, no matter how he tried to avert his thoughts from the dream. He gazed down at the glittering yellow lights below, which made him think back to the Hunter Exam, and of the first time Gon had travelled on an airship. His fingers lightly pressed on the glass, tracing a string of glowing traffic. Killua and he had sat together, marvelling at the brilliant view as they were just getting to know each other. It was a painful thing to relive now.

Since then, Gon had travelled on more airships than he would have dreamed possible. It had been a few years, but even so the thought was no longer exciting to him. The longer he spent exploring with Ging, the more he wished he was fishing on a lake at home. Being with Ging made him happy, of course, and they had fun together. He frequently reminded himself of this. But even so, it was still as if something was missing from his life. 

Gon sat pondering until the sun joined him over the horizon. The sky boasted a wash of pinks and oranges as the stars faded from sight. Finally the haunting memories of his dream were subsiding. Excitedly watching the city grow nearer, he breathed deeply. There was a readiness in his glistening brown eyes that made him seem younger than his age. It had been a while since his last visit to the city, and though exploring new places was always fun for Gon, he had had many good times in this place. A knock sounded at his door, interrupting his elation.

“Ohayou” he said, turning to face the door. His father, dressed in a pale green, long-sleeved tunic and khaki trousers, let himself in. Gon looked down at the grubby vest and boxer shorts he had been wearing all night, before meeting Ging’s gaze with a sheepish look.

“Twenty minutes.” Ging’s expression was one of distaste, “You’d better put something fresh on before we land.”

Gon attempted not to sigh too loudly, but seeing that his father had shaved for the occasion, he knew the warning wasn’t something he should take lightly. Time had run away with him since he woke from his dream. He nodded at Ging, and retorted with a firm “Osu!” as he stood up. Ging was not only enlisting his son’s help, but training him too. It was a deal that had formed once Gon had been able to regain his Nen since his hospitalisation - and one he had nearly begged for. His process of recovery had been a tough one; it had taken Gon twice as long to remaster Nen after the incident, even with the help of Bisky and Wing-san. 

Ging closed the door behind him, softly tutting. Gon darted to get ready, donning dark grey trousers and a white shirt not dissimilar from his father’s. After spending time in the new world, this felt practically like dress wear to the young man. He looked down at his old green boots in a longing way, wishing for the forest again. He made it to the airship’s lobby in seventeen minutes, meeting Ging with a grin of accomplishment. The Double Star Hunter mentally evaluated his son. _He looks pretty acceptable_ , Ging surmised, _even if he’ll never be able to control that hair_. He smoothed his own dark hair back with one hand. When dressed so alike, the resemblance between the two was startling - even Ging couldn’t deny it. The pair, along with their team, were meeting with the only other expedition group who had been sent out to the Dark Continent that morning, hence the trip to the large city. It was official business of the Hunter Association, which meant coming under the scrutiny of Cheadle Yorkshire. The organisation’s leader had only been in power for the last few years, but had always been a sucker for efficiency. She was the only Zodiac Gon had met so far, hence his excitement. If there was one thing he loved more than exploring new places, it was making new friends. Ging was a lot less optimistic about the meeting, trying not to seem apprehensive. Since leaving the Zodiacs himself, he had no idea who would be his replacement, nor how strong they may be when necessary. The aircraft was landing when he turned to his son.

“We have to be cautious today, Gon,” he shot across a stern look. Gon now stood at the same height as Ging, staring back at his elder. “These people aren’t necessarily our friends… if anything, they're our competition,” he continued, “and we may have to beat them to reach our target.”

Gon’s look was initially one of confusion. “Wouldn’t it make more sense for us to work together?”

“That all depends,” he dropped his gaze, “on what they want.”

Gon sighed, _another cryptic answer_. He had felt slightly out of the loop since joining his dad’s party, with every one of his questions met with a similar open-ended statement. _He’s always been enigmatic, maybe that’s his charm?_ Gon mused. He never regretted finding his dad, he just hadn’t imagined it this way. He had made it hard enough to find him in the first place, but he didn’t expect that it would be as hard to get to know him once he’d tracked him down. The large door to the airship was lowered, releasing the team. Smells of all kinds flooded in, engulfing Gon in nostalgia as he stepped foot into the city. The sun was dazzling now, reaching over the high-rise buildings that populated the city’s busy skyline. Across the tarmac at the entrance to the airport, stood a tall blonde man in an expensive-looking oxblood suit.

“Ah friends! I am delighted you’ve finally arrived, I trust your flight was enjoyable?” he greeted them over-enthusiastically.

“Hi, Pariston” Ging’s response was little more than a groan.

“Hello! I’m Gon,” he offered a handshake to the man. Pariston gave Gon a tempered smile, keeping his hands firmly behind his back.

“I’ve heard so much about you - my goodness don’t you look like your father!”

Gon’s manners waned as he began to roll his eyes. He had once loved hearing that, but now he knew Ging more, he wasn't sure the comparison was a compliment. Pariston had returned to the city ahead of the rest of the team, as he was more of a negotiator than Ging. _He’s pretty slimy looking_ , Gon observed. He tried to keep his thoughts off of his face.

Ging cleared his throat loudly. “Are the others here?”

“Gosh, you are a man of little patience!” Pariston’s feigned kindness was hardly believable. “I’ve only brought one with me - we were going to meet them later but he insisted on coming. He’s waiting inside,” he gestured towards the modern terminal.

They wandered inside, Pariston chatting away and Gon intently listening, still deciding whether or not he could trust the ex-Zodiac. His evaluation was interrupted by a familiar voice.

“Hey, Gon!”

He spun round and his eyes widened, a smile spreading over the whole of his face. “Leorio!”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Soooo this is the first chapter of a work in progress... It's also my first ever fic. Please let me know what you think/what you want more of!! This is only the beginning of quite an elaborate story so dw you are yet to see some of the best bits. Enjoy!


	2. Old X Friends X Reunited

The man in a navy suit and crisp white shirt sauntered over. He was met by Gon with a sprint, who skidded to a stop at his feet. While Gon had grown considerably, the older of the two still stood a head above him, his frame straight with his chin tucked down. He put out his arms, palms open to meet his long-time friend.

“I can’t believe you’re here Leorio!” Gon’s voice was deeper but still had the same pep to it as when he was twelve, his wide smile just the same.

“You’ve grown up! When Kurapika told me you had joined you’re dad on this mission, I couldn’t quite believe him,” the man’s glasses covered his eyes partially, but the emotion in them was clear. “I had to see you for myself,” he grinned.

“Kurapika?! He’s here or-”

“He’ll be joining us at the Headquarters,” the thinly-veiled sneer on Pariston’s face was audible as he cut through the friendly reunion.

Leorio quietly grumbled, having almost forgotten about Pariston. _Rat was a fitting name for him_ , he thought. He rattled his suitcase over the blonde’s rude intrusion, turning back to Gon with a smile. His temper had eased over time, which was largely due to the Hunter finally becoming a certified doctor.

“Yeah we’ll see him soon. I gotta warn you though…” Leorio hushed his tone, “he’s gotten all dark again - his bloodlust is back in a big way.” The pair shuddered simultaneously at the thought of the first time their friend faced the Troupe many years ago. Gon wondered what the trigger might have been this time, but thought better of asking in front of everyone, especially Pariston.

“We really must get going, you can have your reunions at the Headquarters,” Ging finally chimed in, gaining a clap from Pariston.

“Right you are! The limousines are waiting just by the Southern entrance.” He charged forward, naturally leading the group. Ging sighed, rolling his eyes at the mention of the obscene cars. He followed close behind Pariston with his hands in his pockets, clearly eager to get the business over and done with. Leorio and Gon, deep in conversation once more, trailed at the back of the herd, taking no notice of Pariston’s haste.

“I didn’t know you would be here Leorio! I had no idea you were going to the Dark Continent too!” Gon’s eyes were wide with excitement.

“Yeah - since that bizarre vote that was held for Chairman when you were in hospital,” he noted a troubled look flash over Gon’s face at the mention of this, “I’ve been helping ‘em out. I’m even a Zodiac now.” He flashed an ID card at Gon, grinning and hoping that he could take the youth’s mind off bad memories.

“Woah! That’s amazing!” Gon exclaimed, his excitement returning rapidly. _He always was easily pleased_ , Leorio thought thankfully. “And what about Kurapika? Wasn’t he looking for the Scarlet Eyes?”

Leorio’s face turned stern, pushing his glasses back onto the bridge of his nose with his index finger. His eyes flashed to Pariston, who obviously had one ear on their conversation. He shook his head slightly, motioning that this wasn’t the time. Gon sensed the shift in his aura and responded with a furrowed brow. Swiftly taking note of Pariston’s encroaching presence, he understood Leorio’s concerns.

“I guess I’ll ask when I see him!” The young man shrugged and a smile returned to his face. Ging’s ears had also been trained on their conversation, and with this a smirk tugged at the edges of his mouth. He was aware of Gon’s burning curiosity, but also pleased to see his son gaining control of his true emotions. _Impressive for an Enhancer like him_ , he thought, contentedly closing his eyes. _He’s come a long way_.

The team, consisting of twelve including Ging and Gon, piled into two limos parked in the loading bay outside. Leorio and Gon continued chatting, the former speaking emphatically about his studies and work before starting the expedition, while Gon listened with a bright expression. The smile never left his face, his laugh frequently piercing the otherwise silent vehicle. The young man had the ability to lighten any mood, a beacon of positivity. He had been through a hell of a lot, and though this at times troubled him, he seldom let it show. The two conversed animatedly, unbothered by the eyes fixed on them. Ging loved observing his son, quietly proud of the person he had become. Their relationship was undoubtedly a strained one, but this never meant Ging didn’t care for the young man. He had, after all, planned a lot around Gon in order to make him a stronger person. The Double Star Hunter didn’t feel guilt per say, but understood that he hadn't made it easy for him when he was a boy. Ging’s only pang of remorse came with the loss of their longtime friend, Kite, which had truly been a traumatic experience for the child. Though Kite had been Ging's student, it was the boy that found the death to be painful beyond belief. The father blamed himself for this, for not being available to help his friend and only child. Though, the happiness and resilience with which the then-teenager had overcome the situation was remarkable, and for this his father truly respected him. He exuded a positive aura that encapsulated all. Gon continued to ask about Kurapika and the other friends they shared. Palm, Zenpile, Bisky, Senritsu, Zushi, Knuckle - he asked after everyone, the pair laughing about previous adventures they had embarked on. Though there was one name they both avoided. Leorio wondered about Killua, but definitely wasn’t going to be the one to mention him. He was worriedly curious, but vaguely knew the terms their friendship had ended on were somewhat bitter, so understood it to be a topic best left untouched.

Eventually, after the excessively long vehicles had weaved through the streets of the city, the team reached the Headquarters. Gon never tired of the high-rise city, bustling with atmosphere and life. Leorio watched his gaze grow awe-stricken once more, marvelling at the young man’s zest for life. As long as he had known Gon, he had known how unique he was. Since he was a boy, Gon had been level-headed and fair - and the most loyal person Leorio had ever met. It always amazed him. This was one reason the doctor valued his friendship so dearly. As he was observing Gon’s elation, he noticed a blonde figure emerge from the building and approach the car. Before Leorio could even react, the younger of the pair was bursting from the limo.

“Kurapika!” Gon ran up the stairs and into the man’s welcoming arms. “I can’t believe you’re both here - I’m so happy!”

Kurapika laughed, embracing his old friend. “You look so well, Gon,” he remarked, his responsible side showing naturally. Pulling back from the hug, he smiled at the mess of spiked jet hair, a warm nostalgia filling his heart.

 _It's been a long time since Pika has looked so well himself_ , Leorio smiled to himself. “Hey, where’s my welcome committee?” He joked, his glasses flashing in the sun as he climbed out of the car, “I can never get that kinda reception round here…”

Kurapika raised an eyebrow at him. “You just can’t handle not having the attention,” he smirked, “your ego can’t take it!”

Leorio’s ears were almost visibly steaming. “Hey! As if I have an ego problem?!” He yelled. The Emitter’s temper was a far sight better than it had been, but if there was anyone who could push his buttons, it was Kurapika. The Kurta just had an effect on him.

As Leorio continued to growl, the blonde waved it off, turning to go back inside. Gon laughed inwardly, _they never change_. They followed Kurapika into the reception; a huge, illustrious room decorated with a Hunter’s Association rug hanging on the Eastern wall. Pariston came trotting in ahead of them and over to the receptionist. The young woman was smartly dressed in a grey uniform with red detailing. Behind where she sat hung an art print of the word ‘heart’, an ode to the deceased former Chairman. She immediately recognised several of the men entering, standing to greet them.

“Konnichiwa, we have set up several preparation rooms, as well as conference room three, for you gentlemen.” She spoke softly with a sweet smile gracing her lips, her features petite and pleasant. “You may take the elevator to the 25th floor,” with an elegant hand she motioned to the steel doors. 

* * * * * *

“Gon,” Ging’s voice was serious as he closed the door behind them, “you must be careful.”

Gon blinked at his father, who was yet to make eye-contact. The pair had been shown to one of the preparation rooms by a bellhop who had helped with their bags. The room had dark walls and was furnished in burgundy and ocre, with two beds lining the room and a gargantuan television hanging from the wall. Large windows let endless light in, showcasing the high-rise buildings surrounding the headquarters.

Ging sighed at Gon’s confusion. “You mustn’t forget what I said - about the other team,” he now looked sternly at his child. He noted his immaturity, despite the young man’s developed physique. _Sometimes it’s hard to tell he’s not still fourteen_ , Ging impatiently thought to himself.

“What, you mean Leorio and Kurapika?” Gon was astonished at the implication his father made. “They’re my friends! They’ve be-” he stopped himself, thinking better of comparing the length of their friendships to that of his relationship with Ging. He settled instead with; “I can trust them better than anyone.” Gon's own expression was now as hard as his elder’s.

“Even still,” Ging grunted at his son’s attitude, “we cannot afford to let what we know slide.” His tone softened slightly, “I’m sure your friends are trustworthy, I am just not so sure of the people they are working with.”

Gon threw himself back onto one of the beds, appreciating the softness of the sheets. He closed his eyes, trying to block his parent’s negativity out, “sure, I understand.” His answer felt forced and stiff. _How could I pretend I’m not excited to see my friends?!_

Suddenly, a electrifying pulse reverberated through Gon’s being. His eyes shot open, his aura suddenly wild. He lifted his head and looked down at his hands, still feeling a tingling in his fingertips. He then looked to Ging, who already stood in a defensive position with a concerned look on his face. _What in the hell was that?_ The older man thought. Before either of them could move, there was a pounding at the door. Kurapika burst in seconds later, a hint of crimson in his eyes.

“What’s going on? Gon, are you okay?” The blonde looked almost feverish, breathlessly panting. “I felt your aura spike from downstairs.” Leorio quickly entered the room behind him.

“I’m fine, it’s just,” Gon hesitantly sat up, “I felt Killua.” The mention of the name plagued the room with silence, stunning the three men. Beads of sweat formed on Leorio’s brow, and Kurapika shifted where he stood slightly. “I felt Killua’s Nen,” he repeated.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Apologies for the amount of time this took to write - I've been job hunting now that I'm finished at uni. So ready to get into this narrative! Please let me know what you think so far, I will be trying to publish a new chapter weekly now as I have the entire story planned out in my head. Thanks for reading guys!


	3. A X Troublesome X Task

The moon gleaming above Kukuroo Mountain gifted the land a pale iridescence. Trees of green in daylight became dark, haunting figures at night, shrouding the edges of the Zoldyck Estate with a malicious shadow. The moonlight tenderly caressed the landscape, though, giving it a powdery glow. The Republic of Padokea was far more beautiful in this softness. This was what Killua loved about the chalky, incomplete orb; it’s rays were enigmatically illuminating. In this light, he could see the world in a way he wanted to — it wasn't too real or raw. Everything had a mist-like veil lain over it that filtered out the harshness of reality. In this light, even the glaring family mansion didn’t look so wicked.

Letting the night air fill his lungs, Killua watched over the mountain from a leafy vantage point. His eyes lingered on the valley which sat at the foot of the Estate; a calm and peaceful village in the distance, bathing in the milky light. He came up here to clear his head every once in a while — more recently he had sat here most nights. He exhaled loudly, moving his attention to the ebon sky above, taking time to carefully consider each star that studded the charcoal mass. This meditation was good for Killua’s head, making him feel like he could finally breathe; finally alleviate himself from responsibility. Up here, things were finally clear again. His emotions and memories were clear again, not hazy like the veil of moonlight he craved. His thoughts were almost too raw from here. He missed the freedom that he and his sister had once shared; from up in the branch he felt a pang of devastation as if it had been taken from them that day, not five years ago. That lifestyle was far beyond his reach now. As he contemplated these pains, strands of white fluttered around his face in a light breeze, the rest of his shoulder-length hair pulled back into a short, unruly ponytail. He traced his sight down to see rustling trees just east of the property’s gates. _Huh_ , he silently thought, _Mike must have been woken by something_. He closed his pale eyes, using his En to search the grounds of his home. _Nothing_. His stream of thought was interrupted by an abrupt sound from his pocket. He whipped out a small, black phone to see a message displayed on the screen:

_Kil, come back to the house. There’s a new job that needs dealing with._

Killua sighed and let his head roll back, eyes shut. If there was one thing that he could never mask, it was the dread that filled him when his eldest brother got in contact. _That freedom sure sounds nice right about now_ , he inwardly groaned. He decided against ignoring Illumi’s message, simply because work was involved. Swiftly hoisting himself out of the spot in which he sat, he slid down the first few branches, picking up speed as he descended the tall pine tree. As Killua hastily made his way back to the house, he tried not to think about how different his life could have been. _If only I could have kept Alluka safe_ , he winced at the memory of the end to their trip together. He tried not to think about what the Troupe had done to Alluka. He tried not to remember the look of the sweet girl visibly losing her soul, how she was so easily swiped from his care, and how she had been so helpless to their torture, eventually left a shell of the girl she had been before. He inwardly cursed at the thought of his own brother, Kalluto, attempting to take their sister’s life. _It was all a ploy…_ Killua narrowed his eyes with this thought, loathing the vindictive ways his family had manipulated him. _They used her to bring me back, at the cost of her sanity_. He shook his head as he ran, darting through the forest, attempting to rid himself of the heart-wrenching thoughts that made him seethe. He knew all this, but no matter how many times he revisited these memories, it never made him turn away from the family. Killua had become hopeless in wake of the Troupe’s attack, crumbling to his family’s desires after the realisation that he could not keep Alluka safe. After years of living with rage, Killua had grown numb to his cruel family, and felt it impossible not to accept his fate as a Zoldyck. Upon his return to the family’s home he had needed to shut himself off to his true thoughts and feelings. Occasionally, after solitary meditation like this, he would become angry and spiteful over the situation again. Though, ultimately, Killua was tired. Much like his young sister, he too had become a shell of the boy he had once been.

Nearing the mansion, his footsteps slowed to a walk, small waves of electricity coursing through his body. He was greeted by Tsubone with a bow of respect. “Konbanwa, Master Zoldyck,” she let him pass through to the entryway of their home, her hulking body seeming small against the monstrous double doors she held open for him. The butler had always had Killua’s best interests at heart, and was probably more of a mother to him than Kikyo could ever have been. A heartless woman with a malicious soul, his mother had always been affectionate towards her children, but never a truly caring person. It was her death that had prompted Kalluto and Illumi to conspire to bring Killua home, as their father had announced his retirement after Kikyo’s murder. Silva was left a broken man; a sight that Killua never thought he would see. Threatening Alluka was the family’s last way of keeping their precious heir under the thumb, forcing him to return and take over the business like they had always planned. Killua hated to kill needlessly, but if leading the family of assassins was what he needed to do to keep his sister alive, he could never decline.

Killua nodded a greeting at Tsubone without making eye contact. “Where’s Illumi?”

“He is seated in the library, sir.”

Up the first flight of curved stairs, through the second door on the right, he found his brother sitting in a large armchair with green, velvet upholstery, surrounded by wall-to-wall bookcases. His entry did not cause his brother to stir, nor did he even lift his sight from the pages of his book. Killua cleared his throat, prompting a reaction from Illumi.

“Oh, Kil, you’re here,” his voice was smooth and unemotional, never faltering. “Please, sit,” he ordered politely. Illumi was dressed in a black satin robe, under which he wore a dark pin-striped suit, paired with velvet loafers. Since the family business had been left to Killua and his two older brothers, they were expected to dress accordingly. The eldest tended to liaise with clients, while Milluki, the second Zoldyck child, mostly handled finances and tracked targets. Of course, as climbing trees was not professional business, Killua was currently wearing a grey tank with burgundy trackpants. He sloped further into the excessive reading room, his demeanour unapologetic for his attire.

Killua rounded the the grandiose seat in which the older man sat, not bothering to sit. “What’s this job then? And for what reason could you not take care of it yourself?” Now that the white-haired youth was the head of the family, Illumi took on the majority of the killing by his orders. Killua had no desire to be an assassin, and was in the business against his will, so the pair had an understanding. His brother’s vicious bloodlust was more of a convenience to the 21-year-old than anything else. The only time Killua went out on jobs was when it was deemed a ‘difficult’ assignment, as his level of skill had surpassed everyone in the family, bar his grandfather’s.

Illumi looked up at his brother with deep, dark eyes. “This case is a little more sensitive than most,” his even tone now with a hint of malevolence, “I felt it would be best for you to handle it.”

“Well,” Killua sighed, irritated by the nuisance, “who is the target then?”

The room was silent for a moment, until Illumi audibly inhaled. “Ging Freeccs,” the two words were delivered calmly, hardly tainting the silence. Even still, they sent Killua’s world spinning.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter was initially longer but I got so into Killua's storyline (classic) I had to split the content in to two... so the fourth chapter should follow pretty shortly!
> 
> Pleeeease leave any feedback/comments on your reading experience so far for me, I appreciate it so much! Enjoy!


	4. Family X Over X Friends

“What?!” Killua bellowed, frustrated that his brother would even toy with such an idea. _He can’t be serious… this has to be some sick kind of joke!_ he inwardly denied the suggestion altogether. He brought his voice low again, “don’t play games with me, brother!” He scowled at the dark-haired man, who slowly rose out of his seat.

“Games?” Illumi feigned confusion, “when have I ever been known to play games or joke around, Kil?” A small smile appeared on the older man’s face. “I think it would be a good opportunity for you, as head of the Zoldyck family,” he inadvertently tucked his long hair behind one ear, “to show everyone that you are dedicated to this line of work.” Illumi gave a tormenting gaze with a smirk, as if silently mocking his younger brother, despite having denied jesting. 

Killua could barely hear his taunting words, his mind in pieces. He had no doubt in his ability to dispose of Ging, but that was far from the issue. _Gon…_ his mind harked back to his former best friend, the person he had loved and left behind. Seeing Gon now would be unbearably painful, let alone heartlessly betraying him. The job would be impossible for Killua, and Illumi knew it. The young assassin stood there, unable to move, with a look of horror on his paling face. His world was shattering with every word his brother said. Thoughts of hurting Gon crippled him immeasurably from the inside, the blinding ache forming in his mind only interrupted by a hand on his shoulder. He looked up the sinewy limb to see his brother at the end of it, leaking fervent bloodlust with a wild look in his eyes. While Killua was no longer intimidated by Illumi, he knew full-well what the older Zoldyck was capable of. He swallowed, attempting to pull himself together and not show weakness.

“I know you can do it, Kil,” Illumi’s aura was dark and poisonous. “Prove it to yourself.”

As the younger man’s gaping mouth closed, he nodded, a forced look of determination painted across his features. _I have to do this_ , he willed himself to believe it, _I have to do it for Alluka_. “Leave it to me, brother,” he pushed the pale hand off his shoulder and turned to leave the room before he could think any more about the task in front of him.

“Good — he’s scheduled to be meeting with the Hunter’s Association in Yorknew tomorrow,” his brother called after him with sickly pleasure.

Killua waved his hand like he was swatting a fly, not needing the extra information. “I will leave tonight.”

As soon as the doors were closed behind him, he let his posture slump, struggling not to fall to his knees. _Don’t think about Gon — this has_ nothing _to do with him!_ Killua knew he was lying to himself, but it was the only thought he could muster to keep from breaking down. _He won't even know it was me, I never show my face._ Killua had not seen or heard from his childhood friend for years, and felt that somehow this wasn’t the best time for a reunion. He shuddered with the thought, his entire body crippled with shock. All the reassurance in the world would not untie his knotted stomach. What made matters worse was knowing he would have to face telling the only other person he’d ever cared about where he’d be going. Stalking down the hall, trying not to let his mind roam, Killua climbed another grand set of stairs up to one of the mansion’s several attics. The other conversions were used for storage of heirlooms and the like, but this one harboured something far more precious. Knocking at the door, he eventually pushed the indigo-painted oak aside to see a silhouetted figure sitting up in bed.

“Alluka?” Killua looked across the room at his little sister, who was watching white stars shine in an inky sky. The girl was a pale teenager with a gaunt frame and purple shadows under her lifeless eyes. Killua remembered how blue they had once been, her irises now clear and watery. Her once long, dark hair was shaved short in an attempt to stop her from pulling it out; a fringe flopping onto her porcelain forehead, drawing a melancholic shadow over her angular face. When her brother looked at her, he struggled to hold back tears.

As Killua approached her bed, she turned slowly away from the open window, the only source of light in her bare bedroom. “Onii-chan?” She stared at him blankly for a second before recognising the young man. This caused his knotted stomach to twist further inside of him. “W-where did you go…? Why did you leave Alluka?”

He swallowed hard, his throat dry at the girl’s words. “I’m sorry, sister... you know I never want to leave you.”

She looked confused — more so than usual — as her large eyes sparkled with tears. “You say that every time,” her voice wobbled, a sweet falsetto that should belong to a child.

Killua found it impossible to converse with Alluka now. Every time he saw her, his heart ached with guilt, a feeling accompanied by an awful throbbing in his gut. The sight of the pale skin on her skeletal legs laced with scars and bruises made him miserable. His words were truthful when he said, “I love you, Alluka, I wish I could be by your side always.” He held back tears, almost speaking in a whisper.

“Alluka loves Onii-chan too,” she pouted, her bottom lip quivering.

Killua thought back to the time he had apologised to his sister. _Will you forgive me for being a bad big brother?_ The memory pained him as he had not been able to keep his promise to her. From the edge of her bed he looked into the sweet girl’s eyes with only one wish; to bring his baby sister back. It was hard for him to hold back tears, even after becoming so numb. He was in a cold sweat, not knowing how to tell Alluka the details of his next job.

“I’m going away again,” his tone was remorseful, “but I won’t be long…”

“That’s what Onii-chan says every time!” Alluka wailed, her voice growing louder with distress. She tugged at her long-sleeved nightgown in protest, it’s white cotton stained grey and brown. “Where are you going now?” She asked, barely inaudible again.

“I’m going to…” he wasn't sure if he could keep his tone light, trying not to stutter, “I’m going to see Gon. You remember Gon, don't you?”

A glimmer of light flashed across Alluka’s face. Even the mention of their old friend made her whole manner change, visible happiness relaxing her. “You’re seeing Gon?!” She almost managed a smile, “can Alluka come?”

Killua smiled sympathetically, his heart now swelling and threatening to burst. “I’m afraid not, not this time,” he was weak with the words. “I’ll take you to see Gon soon, okay?” he lied.

“‘Kay,” she seemed content with this notion, lying down and giving in to her fatigue. She closed her eyes, head on the pillow, before saying, “Killua better promise,” with a content look softening her wearied features.

He kissed her forehead, gently brushing her fringe away with his thumb and patting her head like she had always loved. “I’ll save you soon,” he said, more to himself than Alluka. The sight of his sickly sister was the reason he never rejected a job, never tried to escape his duties. She had always been the victim and Killua felt that was a burden he deserved to bear, even if he could never imagine her internal struggles. He moved from the bed and by the time he was closing her door he could hear her breathing was peaceful with sleep. _I have to do it for her_ , he repeated to himself in an attempt to gain some resolution.

* * * * * *

On board the private airship, Killua watched the sunrise over a nearing Yorknew City. He hadn’t slept, knowing full well if he tried to relax, he wouldn’t be able to stop himself from being overcome with emotion. Feelings were the last thing he needed for this job. From the view of his bedroom onboard, the sky was bleached an orange, slowly fading up into a deep blue. He tried to keep his mind free from thoughts as the sun climbed higher into the air. It was after noon when the airship began it’s descent into the terminal.

Landing in the city made Killua feel uneasy, knowing the last time he had been here, he was with his old friends. These memories were unsettling for the assassin, especially as his task at hand was so ironically involved with Gon. He wanted to let out a scream, the overwhelming reminder of the past a burden too great for the young man to bear. Killua had never wanted to have to relive this part of his life, feeling too ashamed to imagine what his friends would think. _You’re a fucking coward_ , he inwardly insulted himself, _a good-for-nothing piece of crap!_ His fists balled, whitening the skin on his already pale knuckles. Tears filled his eyes, uncontrollably pooling and eventually streaming down his porcelain cheeks. As he tightly held down sobs, pulses of his electrical Nen reverberated through his being. He felt the vehicle touchdown and let out a single cry, his aura spiking and momentarily surrounding the young man with a single white-purple shockwave.

_I’m sorry, Gon._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sooooo... I really enjoyed bringing Alluka into the story. And Illumi's such a bastard he's fun to write lol. I promise I will reveal much more backstory as time goes on hehe. Thank you all so much for reading - please leave comments letting me know what you think! I'm loving hearing from readers!!! Next chapter is when serious moves start being made so stay tuned.


	5. A X Threatening X Appearance

Gon stood, staring out of the window of the large preparation room. Ging was already in a meeting, but had told his son to stay and rest at the room after his Nen had spiked earlier that afternoon. He felt physically fine, frustrated that his father was still so protective of him.

“It’s important for us to keep an eye your aura,” he had said, “especially after your incident. Your Nen is likely to still be unstable…” Leorio and Kurapika just nodded along, worriedly agreeing, “just sleep it off, Gon.” The three of them had forced him into bed, much against his will.

Gon sighed loudly, balling his hands into fists. Coming all this way to have to stay in bed was not his idea of a good time. Looking out longingly over the huge metropolis of Yorknew, he noticed clouds quickly began to roll in from the west. His forehead gradually wrinkled as he watched the once bright blue sky become overtaken by darkness in seconds, a heavy rain beginning to pour from shadowy, mauve clouds. His mouth hung open slightly, confused and astounded by the sudden change in the weather. It seemed almost ominous, like an angry tension plagued the city. The rain was drumming loudly against the glass pane he looked out from when he heard a knock at the door.

“Gon?” A familiar voice on the other side made him jump, turning towards the door in disbelief. When Gon failed to reply, the door slowly swung open to reveal a pale teenager dressed all in black.

“K-K-Kil—”

“I’ve been… looking for you…” Killua cut him off, panting as if he had just ran there from the airship port. His white hair was slicked down, dripping at the ends. He was thoroughly soaked after being caught in the sudden downpour. He put his hands on his knees, his body hunched over. His shoulders heaved slightly as he visibly struggled to regain his breath.

“W-why?” Gon sputtered, still in shock. “How did you— who told you I was here? Did you see the others?!” His mouth was now fully agape, a thousand questions springing to his mind at once. His eyes were wide at the sight of his childhood best friend. He didn’t know how to feel, his mind racing between emotions. The last time he had seen Killua was when they were sixteen, when he had decided to return to Padokea and take on the Zoldyck business. They were in Yorknew then, too, on a similar stormy night when Killua wouldn’t look Gon in the eye. The two had grown apart somewhat even by that point, but the Transmuter’s decision to return to a life of ruthlessness had effected Gon in a horrible way. He had felt betrayed. He wanted to shake the other boy out of it; ask him what he was thinking, beg him to reconsider, insist that it wasn’t necessary. But Killua’s mind was made up, telling Gon bluntly that there was nothing he could do to stop him. Leorio and Kurapika had gotten involved too, innocently attempting on several occasions to reconcile the pair after this. It had all been in vain; the assassin cut all ties with the three, vowing to himself that they would never hear from him again. Now Gon couldn’t comprehend that he was standing in front of him — exactly the same as he had been before. Killua’s narrow frame was just the same, covered with unchanged, colourless, smooth skin. His blue eyes were still as piercing as they had always been. Gon was almost sure that he hadn’t even grown much taller.

“I’m sorry, Gon,” Killua stood up straight again, his eyes now filled with tears. Thunder sounded from outside.

“Killua…” Gon watched as the other stood in the doorway of the room, battling emotion. His own eyes became glossy and he wanted to yell out at his best friend the way he had the last time they’d been together. _How could you?_ He had screamed when Killua had revealed his return to life as an assassin. _After we saved you from them, how could you go back to those monsters?!_ For a year or so afterwards, Gon had relentlessly tried to make it back to Kukuroo Mountain, but Killua had become so much stronger, and made every effort to shut his old life out. Gon's heart physically ached with the memory. Through blurred vision, it was then that the Enhancer noticed something chilling about the other boy.

Killua began to raise his hands, palms facing each other, claws drawn in Gon’s direction. His fingertips were also dripping, but they were a putrid blood-red. His eyes, still watering, formed dark shadows beneath them, and his irises began to deepen in colour. Tears overflowed uncontrollably and ran down his sallow face. “I didn't want to have to do this,” Killua’s voice was now almost inaudible against the rain battering down the window, and a visible shockwave of blue energy reverberated down his body.

Gon stood stock still, unable to move. A rapid flash from outside cast a long shadow stretching between the two. He stood with his back to the storm, remaining more concerned about the lightning in front of him. He saw a killer across the room but refused to believe the bloodlust in Killua’s eyes. He would never accept that his best friend had a truly evil soul. “Killua,” his voice was certain and firm, “I know you can hear me — you don't have to do this!”

Another crack of thunder. Killua did not flinch, taking a step towards the other young man. His motions were languidly drawn out, as if hazy somehow. His crying was audible now, loud sobs coming from deep in his throat, yet his solemn expression was unwavering. _That’s Illumi’s face_ , Gon realised, _that’s not Killua!_ Between the stained palms, bolts of electrical energy began to spark, growing in strength as he got closer to his target. “Let me—make this—easy for us both—Gon,” his voice wavered and cracked.

“Killua!” Gon wailed, determined to break the spell that possessed his old friend. He was still frozen, unable to move to attack him, desperate not to retreat so he could help him. He gave way to his own tears and began to beg, “please, Killua, it doesn’t have to be this way!” He was shrieking at the other boy now, overcome with emotions of both rage and heartbreak.

Killua swiftly darted forward and was inches from Gon's face, the pair still both weeping. Once bright cerulean eyes were now a lifeless shade of coal, trained on the corresponding fiery topaz pair before them. The white haired boy suddenly seemed taller, now towering over Gon slightly. The sobs had stopped. “How could you ever forgive me,” Killua’s words were a whisper, but the venomous inquiry in them was still audible, “after all I’ve done?” His eyes were genuine and sad, harbouring a distant glimmer of remorse.

Gon could feel his heart beating in his chest, beads of sweat forming at the nape of his neck, Killua’s controlled breath lightly fanning his face. Sharpened nails were inches from the skin on Gon’s neck, threateningly poised. Goosebumps coated his body, despite the inescapable heat radiating from the assassin’s Nen. He sniffed loudly, eyes still streaming. “Killua’s my friend,” he quietly cried with anguish, not relieving his gaze from the other’s, “I could always forgive Killua.” With this, the remorse in Killua’s eyes vacated, and he bore his teeth giving out an aggressive yell. Emotionless and brutal, he moved to strike Gon with his electricity in one fierce motion. Gon closed his eyes, letting out one last yelp of despair— and felt nothing.

Gon’s body was tense with his eyes still shut, his face screwed up, awaiting the impact of an attack. When he didn’t feel pain, the fear slowly began to release him. He peeked his eyes open, a bright view of the room on it’s side becoming gradually clearer. Blinking, Gon processed the fact that he was in bed, exactly how the others had left him. The sun was setting; the preparation room he lay in basked in a coral light. He exhaled heavily, _it was another dream_. He touched his face, his fingers dampening with tears. Though nothing had happened since he fell asleep hours before, the desire to cry leftover from the nightmare still weighed on Gon. He rubbed his hands over his face, sitting up to gain a clearer feeling in his head. There was no way he was sleeping again after that.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Soooooo apologies for this coming so late! I've been busy moving/starting a new job which has been maaad. I'll try better, gomen!
> 
> Writing Gon dreaming was a challenge but I enjoyed it!! I can't wait for their real reunion... *hint hint* heheh. Stick around for next time and I promise I won't dupe you with another pretend killugon moment! Comments and opinions are always appreciated below (as well as kudos ofc), thanks guys!


	6. An X Unidentifiable X Danger

Gon wandered through to the ensuite, pulling off the undershirt he had worn to nap in. The soft cotton clung to his torso, his skin damp with clammy nervousness. He bent forward with his face in the sink, splashing himself with cool water. No matter how many times he washed his face, he couldn’t shake the image of the white haired killer from his conscience. He gave up, turning the tap clockwise and lifting his head to look in the mirror. His reflection’s face was still clouded with sleep; under-eyes puffy and lips swollen, remnants of tears showing up in slightly blotchy pink patches littered across his skin. He looked back into his own warm, brown eyes with a hard determination. _Just focus on what’s at hand_ , he said to himself, _your real friends are all here_. His thoughts upset him deep down, though he knew he had to be tough about it. Now wasn't the time to get hung up on negative thoughts of the past. _He’s never coming back_. With one last glance he deemed himself acceptable for company and pulled on some cleaner clothes. A crisp, charcoal shirt with black dress trousers made him seem more put together for dinner. He had gathered, from the low position of the early November sun, that the group would be leaving the business setting for a meal soon, so he could easily slip in then without attracting too much attention or seeming rude.

Once downstairs at reception, he was escorted up to the top floor of the building by another graceful member of staff. Glass walled the entire room he was led to, the elevator transporting them to the centre of it. The boastful penthouse was grand and had been set for dinner already. Gon was captivated by the sight of Yorknew in sunset, the light fading from a tangerine sky garnished by wispy pink clouds. _No sign of a storm here_ , he thought, feeling relieved that there was no reminder of his ghastly dream in waking life. The elevator operator gave him a polite goodbye, informing him that the rest of the party would be up shortly. He called back his thanks as she left, his eyes trained on the bustling landscape below. Half an hour had passed before anyone else arrived — not that Gon noticed. The others slowly trickled into the room, multiple elevator loads needed to bring them all up. He acknowledged all of them with a friendly glow, recognising each member. Cheadle arrived, greeting Gon with a soft smile, nodding her head slightly in his direction. Her green hair was out of it’s usual hat and drawn back into a neat bun, bangs still covering her forehead. He had met the Chairwoman after his stint in hospital years ago, and always enjoyed her warmth. She was a caring woman with good sense, and often reminded him of Kurapika in that way. The dress she had donned for dinner was pretty; an emerald colour maxi with a halter neck. Gon regarded her, noting her untypical femininity. Her staple round glasses were missing, revealing sweet mint eyes. It wasn’t just Cheadle in fine attire; everyone who entered the room was dressed impeccably, which was a contrast to the way he had gotten familiar with their expedition team. Following the pattern, the elevator doors gave way to reveal two more suits, one black with a burgundy tie, the other navy with a black tie. Gon’s smile spread to an uncontainable grin at the sight of his friends. Leorio and Kurapika stood facing forward, not each other, as they nattered away stepping out into the room. Their eyes both brightened with the sight of the younger man stood across from them.

“Yo, Gon!” Leorio hollered over the already noisy room, approaching with a slightly quieter “you feeling better, dude?”

“I hope you didn’t force yourself up here,” Kurapika’s features had softened since earlier, his skin a relatively healthy colour and eyes a cool grey once again. His expression still held considerable concern.

Gon chuckled slightly, “I’m fine guys!” He attempted not to let his features give away the memory of his nightmare. “I was out like a light — I feel better now.” He beamed up at the pair.

Leorio gave a grunt of approval, giving Kurapika a _see, he’s okay_ look. The blonde did not return the look of satisfaction, but just glanced back irritatedly.

“Anyway,” Gon rubbed the back of his neck sheepishly, “what happened in the meeting? I feel like I missed out!”

Leorio gave a brief overview, visibly bored by the business of it all, after which Kurapika elaborated helpfully. It had been decided that, since Beyond Netero was no longer a part of the exhibition, the two parties would form an allegiance. Kurapika explained that he had been invited to join the Zodiacs too, and was unsure of the partnership forming between the two sides, as he had never trusted Pariston or his unclear motives. The party’s objective had been questionable from the start, and Gon had tried and failed to gain insight from his father. Beyond Netero had been notoriously dangerous, though Gon had never met the man; the former Chairman’s son was assassinated prior to him regaining his Nen. It concerned Kurapika that their team had been working for someone so conniving, which in turn concerned Gon. Leorio periodically muttered disdainfully about Pariston and his team, holding his tongue about Ging. As Gon listened intently to their analysis of the situation, he quietly buzzed with excitement. There was an energy to the room which Gon thrived off of, making him feel alive with anticipation. The haunting nightmare was a distant memory now.

After another half hour had passed, the sun had set to a purplish night and the room was full. All conversation was then interrupted by the call for dinner being served. The three young men took seats at round one corner of the long dining table, which was laden with burgundy silk. Ging sat down opposite his son, shooting him a smile from the corner of his mouth. _Even_ he _looks smart_ , Gon inwardly remarked. He smiled back hesitantly, not sure if he would be receiving another lecture about getting well rested. They were served with entrées first; small bowls of mustard-coloured soup with fine slices of tough bread. The hot, earthy smell made Gon realise how hungry he was, his jaw aching and mouth salivating. He tucked in as conversation rose around him once again.

It was during their main course that the elevator gave a soft ding, barely audible over the din of conversation filling the magnificent room. Beans shuffled through, attempting to slip in unseen, though it is impossible to evade the attention of so many Nen users. People around the room were involved with one another, Gon facing Leorio and Kurapika, smiling at the two bickering over table manners. Not many actually looked up when the short man approached Ging, though Gon was watching him in his peripherals. Beans had to raise onto the balls of his feet to deliver news into the seated man’s ear. Cheadle soaked this in too, silently suspicious of her former colleague. She had always struggled, just as Gon did, with his indecipherable personality. Her eyes narrowed as she deduced that Beans’ news could not be good. The gait with which he had entered the room was tense, his manner hurried, as if it was an urgent situation. Her glare caught Kurapika’s eye, who then noticed Gon's worry. He nudged Leorio with his elbow, interrupting his rant about unnecessary cutlery. Beans looked around, noting their gazes anxiously, and proceeded to shuffle away. Ging’s demeanour had not visibly altered, but it was clear something bad was at hand. He looked up, straight to Gon with an unwavering look. He minutely jerked his thumb towards the elevator, beckoning for a more private setting with his son. Gon’s mouth hung open slightly as he realised he was being addressed. Excusing himself from the table with a smile that couldn’t reach his eyes, he stood and rounded his friends, heading towards the elevator doors. When Ging reached a safe distance from the table and turned to his son, it was clear in his eyes that something was truly worrying him.

“What is it, dad?” Gon tried to deliver the last part of his sentence smoothly, though he could never quite manage it.

Ging grumbled, pulling his gaze down from Gon’s. “Something… something’s come up,” he was hesitant, visibly trying to play the magnitude of the situation off. “I’m going to have to leave early,” his voice was short and clipped with an emotion stronger than irritation. _He’s afraid_.

Gon’s brow hardened with the weight of this news. “What’s happened?” He was tired of the masquerade, and his tone showed it.

The older man sighed, giving in to his son’s determination. “No one must know what I’m about to tell you,” Ging's eyes were a giveaway to his fear. The look on Gon’s face told him that his secret wouldn’t go far. “The Association have caught wind that someone is coming… for me,” his voice was barely a whisper, “… to kill me.”

Gon was stunned into silence. Ging proceeded to tell him that he needed to leave immediately and that no one should follow him. He could barely protest as his father turned away from him. He reached out and grabbed his only parent’s shoulder, forcing him to turn back. When Gon opened his mouth to object, he couldn’t muster anything. The look Ging gave him made him consider his speechlessness a blessing, and he closed his gaping mouth, his hand still firmly planted on the other’s shoulder.

“Gon,” Ging’s next words were familiarly firm, “I am leaving for the good of the group, you should understand that.” When a helpless look flashed across Gon's face, his father continued, “there is a chance that if I leave now, whoever is after me will not need to come here — leading them to you is too big a threat to the expedition,” he let the pain show on his own face now. “You need to let me go, now.”

With that, Gon let his hand fall, releasing it’s grip with an expression of defeat painting his features. He knew that this was Ging's way of telling him he was responsible now. As he looked back up to watch his father go, he desperately struggled not to yell out to him. The elevator pinged and he stared as the doors enveloped the sight of his father’s back. Heat rose to his face and he chewed the inside of his mouth to hold pooling tears back. His frustration was near-impossible to repress, but eventually he managed to release balled fists and turn back to the rest of the room. In the time that Gon had spoken with Ging and watched him leave, their surroundings had turned seemingly silent, but returning to the table was like allowing paused time to play on. The loud conversation flooded back to Gon, dulling his emotions. The numbing effect it had was useful, yet when he sat down to see four pairs of eyes trained on him, a hard lump formed in his throat.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey y'all! Okay so I've ended up taking a real long break from this and for that I am sorry!!! There are a number of reasons for this, one of which being that I have started writing two new fics lol. Hopefully the first chapters of those will be up shortly and they're both a lot more fluffy than this... Apologies also for the slow burn that this is on right now!! Hope you're enjoying it all the same - please comment and leave kudos if you see fit! I love it when ya do heheh... angsty chapters to come and I promise to bring them in the next couple of weeks! Enjoy the read!


	7. Despair X Versus X Resolve

Gon swallowed a slice of beef past the rough sides of his narrowed throat. It had been around ten minutes since he’d sat back down at the table, the seat opposite him now vacant. Not a word had been said to him in that time, though Kurapika’s eyes slanted across at him spoke volumes in place of actual conversation. Leorio’s gaze was angled down at his plate. The rate at which he ate was disinclined, broken up by disgruntled sighs and apprehensive fidgeting. The mood of the table at this end had shifted, forming a collective aura that did not go unnoticed by the rest of the room. Gon was desperate for the atmosphere to diffuse, feeling the building attention boring into him like a strong ray of sunlight beating down on his tired body. He was done with his food, stomach turning at the thought of the lukewarm, fleshy half-meal on his plate. His insides lurched for more reasons than just this, but it certainly wasn’t helping. The pressure of eyes on him was mounting, and he felt his own aura flaring up inside him, a ball of fire ready to combust. This was composed of several feelings boiling, bubbling in the pit of his being, but was ignited with a strong presence of anger. _He doesn’t trust me_ , Gon’s heart wobbled at this notion, _he doesn’t trust his own son to help him_. His brow slowly furrowed and Kurapika’s did the same as he watched the combination of feelings unfold on Gon’s face. It was Leorio who desperately felt the need to break the silence, though.

“Hey, Gon,” his deep voice sliced through the thick, unpleasant ambience surrounding the three of them.

Gon’s eyes lifted for the first time, his features still slanted into a look of frustration. This softened ever so slightly as he acknowledged his friend.

Leorio threw a look at the younger man’s plate, cocking an eyebrow and nonchalantly enquiring, “you gunna eat that?”

The half-joke eased Gon’s state of mind enough for him to alleviate his stiff posture, slouching back into the seat he had been on the edge of. He pushed his plate away, sighing and mumbling, “it went cold.”

Leorio felt satisfied to at least have lifted the tension somewhat, collecting the last cuts of rejected steak onto his own plate without another word. After another ten minutes, the plates were collected by the Association’s team of immaculate waiting staff. The minimal clattering of bone china was only interrupted by Gon excusing himself from the next course of food, politely claiming fatigue and leaving the table. Kurapika and Leorio’s eyes met at this before they were mere paces behind him. As Gon walked away, accepting how suspicious he must have seemed given the circumstance, he let a feeling of dread flood through his whole being. He had been withholding the emotion before, but felt the burden becoming heavier and heavier, making it hard not to release his feelings and lash out. When he reached the elevator, he sensed two heartbeats stood close behind him, disturbing his inner turmoil. He rolled his eyes, not even bothering to turn to face the pair. If he tried to tell them he was okay and didn’t need their help, their reactions of refusal would cause enough of a disturbance to trigger the whole room’s enquiry. His shoulders slumped in defeat. With an abrupt ding, the steel doors before him opened and he got into the lift without a word. Turning to, but not making eye contact with the others, they followed his lead, the three of them remaining visibly unemotional until the doors softly shut them in.

Halfway down, Kurapika was the first to speak. His voice was gentle as he asked, “where do you need to go, Gon?” His line of vision remained forward, not wanting to pressure the younger man with his gaze.

He exhaled quietly, dropping his head. His posture was already deflated; internally he was accepting defeat. _What is there I can do?_ He wracked his brain for answers, hopelessly searching for solution. _I have no idea where Ging was even going, he’ll be miles away by now…_ the creeping, distressing feeling was agonisingly familiar for some reason. _I’m… I’m helpless_. It suddenly dawned on him why he knew these emotions — why he recognised this internal, claustrophobic knot that came from not being able to save someone he cared about. Blood roared loudly in his ears and his palms began to sweat. Tears prickled at the rims of his large eyes, threatening to spill out onto clammy skin. Helplessness consumed him, and his brain shut down, surrendering to his inability to fix the situation. Though barely audible his voice was, he eventually managed to utter the words, “I don’t know.”

Kurapika glanced over to Leorio, who returned his look of anguish with an equally panicked expression. It was Leorio who attempted to get through to Gon this time, “what did your dad say?” He struggled to keep his tone calm like Kurapika’s.

“He said…” Gon swallowed back the tears, attempting to gain some kind of logical thought process back over the despair he felt taking over his mind. “He said he is under threat,” he cleared his throat, his voice now firmer with aggression. “He’s been told someone’s coming after him,” there was another pause before he added, “to kill him.”

Leorio snorted in disbelief, “Ging Freeecss? Assassinated?” His tone had lightened slightly, though he knew there must be reasoning behind Gon’s worry. “Like that’ll ever happen!”

Kurapika shot him a warning look before moving his eyes back to Gon. “You shouldn’t worry about your dad,” he tried to reiterate Leorio’s notion in a more sensitive manner, “he’s one of the strongest Nen users on Earth — he will have nothing to worry about.” A shaky smile followed these words, though somehow Kurapika didn’t believe that was the end of the problem.

“You…” Gon was hard in thought, trying to articulate what he experienced when he had spoken to Ging less than an hour ago, “you didn’t see his face when he told me.” Gon’s eyes were still trained forward, desperately focused on trying to hold his feelings down. “It was like he knew he was in trouble — like he knew who was after him and that he was even _scared_ about it.” Fists balled at his sides were now beginning to quiver.

Kurapika saw both fear and loathing in Gon’s aura, and as the elevator dinged to it’s final stop, he attempted to retain control of the situation. “We should go to your room, Gon.”

Leorio nodded in agreement. “There’s a chance Ging would have left something for you,” he said hopefully, though it was a façade. He generally had little confidence in the father after all.

The three of them silently made their way down several identical hallways before reaching the Freecss’ preparation room. They came to find the room exactly as Gon had left it several hours ago, save one small, black object left on one of the bedside dressers. Gon recognised it to be Ging’s mobile — though he seldom saw it out of a pocket and didn’t know how to begin to use it. It wasn’t like the beetle Gon used; it had a unique locking system to ensure maximum security. This was to be expected, as Ging was never not a private person. Leorio took a look at it, struggled and attempted to smash it on the table before it was swiped by Kurapika who lightly held it, examining for clues.

“Is there anyone you can think of, Gon,” Kurapika enquired while still looking at the phone, “who would have a motive to kill Ging?” He checked over every angle of the slender device.

“Well, yeah?” Leorio huffed with his arms crossed, still irked by not being able to crack the phone’s code. “Try anyone who wants to hide info on the Dark Continent.”

Gon had calmed down considerably now — it seemed sharing the burden of Ging’s escape had helped somewhat — and held his chin between his finger and thumb in thought. “Hmm,” he audibly mused, “Leorio’s right but, somehow I don’t think that would worry him, cause it’s to be expected. But…” his words broke off mid-thought, face lighting up with an idea. “A couple of months ago, we were travelling around on the expedition and…” his voice trailed off and his mouth fell agape with realisation, “I heard him on the phone.”

Leorio and Kurapika both stopped to look at Gon. “What was he saying?” Kurapika tried to encourage the train of thought.

“Well, it’s weird cause,” Gon folded his own arms now, “I never normally noticed him using a phone, but, this time it was like he wasn’t really paying attention to how loud he was being.” His brows knitted together, “I remember how unusual I thought it was… I was so unused to it that I used my heightened hearing to listen in.” He glowed a little with guilty embarrassment, “but what I heard was weirder, it was like some guy talking to him about a job he’d done… but the thing was Ging never really did jobs for anyone else.”

Kurapika frowned, visibly processing these ideas. “Sounds pretty out of character, what was the tone of the conversation like?”

“It wasn’t friendly, but the guy on the phone wasn’t Ging’s enemy,” Gon concluded thoughtfully. “It sounded like they were talking about something that had happened a long time ago, but there was something wrong, like Ging was in trouble.” He paused before remembering, “Ging didn’t really wanna talk about it to the guy — it was like he regretted whatever had happened all that time ago.”

Leorio had taken the phone back in the meantime, and was eyeing it with a defeated look now. “Well, it doesn’t look like we’ll be finding the answers in this thing. But, he’s gone because he thinks they’ll come here, right? They’ve probably been tracking the GPS in his phone, so maybe he didn’t mean to leave it behind.” Leorio looked at them both with more determination, “in any case, why don’t we just let them come to us, then we can deal with it first hand?”

Gon was resolved by this notion, a small smile pulling at the corners of his mouth. Although he was uneasy about Ging’s level of concern, he never thought twice about doubting his own abilities to win in a fight. He had survived and endured a lot worse, especially with the help of his friends. Leorio’s expression of determination was now doubled on Gon’s face. Kurapika even shared the energy of resolve that now filled the room. He added, “we will fight whatever comes our way with you, Gon.”

They continued to discuss potential options and devised a plan. From what they could tell, the threat would likely be upon them within the next few days. Kurapika’s strengthened En would help them stay alert, coupled with Leorio’s Emitter ability to keep a safe distance from anyone they needed to attack. Gon was confident in the training he had been undergoing for the past couple years with Ging, telling himself _I won’t let him down_. Now all they could do was wait.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sooooo I'm pleased to have finally updated this (the last time was August woah) and I really hope you'll like it!! Apologies not a huuuuge amount has happened in this chapter I know, but we're just about to get to the good bit I promise!! I'm gunna try and get another chapter done and up before the new year so fingers crossed! Please also lemme know what you guys think - I'm always so happy to hear from you <3333333 thanks for reading!


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